Halusinasi (Catatan Akhir Tahun 2015)

Ada begitu banyak hal yang tersembunyi dalam diriku
Itu membuatku berubah begitu banyak
Itu membuatku tertidur,

Membuat tangan dan kakiku terikat
Mengurungku dalam ruangan yang gelap

Potongan-potongan waktu yang hilang
Kenangan cinta yang telah aku buang
Mereka semua telah terhapus dan terbuang

Tanpa tahu apapun, aku hanya berteriak
Aku hanya punya ingatan ini
Sakit..

Hatiku yang telah membeku bagai es
Namun, ini akan terlupakan setelah aku tidur
Aku ingin melarikan diri dari rasa sakit ini yang membelenggu

Seseorang...

Bangunkan aku
Dari jiwaku yang penuh bekas luka

Langit malam yang berwarna

Penuh olehmu,

Seseorang yang tidak mau pergi
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
Membangunkanku dari tidurku
Suaramu yang berbisik “aku mencintaimu”

Aroma itu, aku tau itu kamu

Aku mendengar lewat telingaku setiap hari
Aang mencariku “Kau dimana?”

Aku tersembunyi disebuah tempat dimana aku tidak bisa melihatmu
Rasa sakit yang ku terima untukmu

Ketika kemarahanku menjadi satu
Akan kukejar ingatan yang hilang dari tidurku
Aku ingin menemukan diriku sebenarnya

Yang bukan dirimu

Namun luka dihatiku terlalu membesar
Kucoba untuk menyembunyikannya

Tapi mereka bersembunyi dihatiku dan membangunkanku

Aku bertemu denganmu disisi lain

Kenanganku yang mengerikan
Kau memeluk bahkan untuk perasaanku yang hilang
Kau membantuku bangkit dari kehancuran

Aku mencoba untuk tidak melepaskan tanganmu
Aku mencoba untuk menghapus mimpi burukku
Aku mencoba begitu keras
Di tempat ini dimana aku terjebak sendiri

Aku ingin menggulung kegelapan

Temukan aku

 
Meski aku tidak bisa menyentuhmu
Atau disetuh olehmu

Apa yang mengontrolku?
Ini bukan kehidupan yang hidup dalam diriku
Apa yang bisa menyembuhkanku?

Bukanlah obat yang ampuh
Melainkan cintamu,

Di langit malam yang tidak bisa kusentuh
Aku melihatmu berbalik
Membuatku melarikan diri dari hari yang melelahkan

“Maaf” katamu saat kau memegang tanganku
“Jangan pergi” kau memanggilku
Dalam kesedihan bahwa aku tidak bisa melihatmu lagi
Air mataku jatuh lagi